During lockdown I started scrolling PetRescue the way friends were swiping Tinder — with just as little luck. I applied for at least forty rescue dogs. Each application was detailed, a tad desperate, full of earnest promises about long walks and unconditional love. The silence was brutal. It was worse than online dating, where at least you usually got to meet the object of your desire before being ghosted.

Eventually I stopped applying only for the older or overlooked dogs and began clicking apply on basically anything. When I saw McKenzie’s profile, I didn’t hesitate. A dachshund. Young. So cute. I texted my friend Britt and said: “I just applied for this dog for you, but I’ll never get her.”

But I did.

The next morning, I woke up to find her lying on her back under the doona, her little paws poking out over the top and her ears splayed like wings. My heart exploded into a million pieces and reassembled in the shape of a sausage dog.

Two years later I adopted Elodie — the neglected product of an irresponsible breeder, an emotional and physical hot mess, stupidly adorable and a total pain in the neck. Long-haired. Miniature. Shaded cream. Reactive to essentially everything that moves, breathes, or exists. The difficulties blurred into the delights. Two dachshunds. One obsessed human.

Several years of dachshund ownership later, I’ve navigated separation anxiety training, IVDD prevention, a vet-supervised weight loss journey, and the emotional rollercoaster of rescue. I’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time in online rabbit holes, vet waiting rooms, and physiotherapy sessions. I’ve done the reading. I’ve made the mistakes. I’ve figured some of it out.

Snooty McSausages is where I put all of it. The useful stuff, without the panic.

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About the writer

I’m Debbie Elkind — a professional writer and editor based in the Blue Mountains, NSW, with more than 20 years’ experience. I’m not a vet. I’m an experienced dachshund owner who has done a lot of research, spent a lot of time talking to professionals, and learned most of the important lessons the expensive way.

Health content on this site is practical and evidence-informed, but it is not veterinary advice. When something matters — really matters — the answer is always the same: call your vet.

I’ve written for The Guardian, among others. McKenzie and Elodie have no interest in my career but are generally pleased with the quality of their snacks.